Tuesday, May 15, 2007

You know you've been in Germany too long when...

I found this on the lonely planet thorn tree forum (where I go often to check on the situtation in Zimbabwe) and I thought it was pretty funny. I edited it down to only the ones that apply to me:

-You’ve sorted your garbage into at least 3 garbage cans and you know the difference between "Gelbe Sacke" and "Restmull".
-You get excited that CNN is in English.
-You've watched the Simpsons in German and hated it.
-You've laughed at a German trying to say "squirrel".
-You know what a "Klo" is and you've gone "auf" one.
- You know what DB stands for.
-You know the difference between Milka and Ritter Sport (including all their various varieties).
- You know what a WG is, and have lived in one.
- You've ever been totally confused on how to open any and all windows / doors / locks.
-You've ever had a child tell you "Wir dürfen jetzt", when waiting for the green man.
- You get irrationally annoyed when the bus / train / tram is over five minutes late.
- You've been caught "schwarzfahring" (riding without a ticket) at least once (and pretended not to speak German to get out of it).
- You've answered the phone with your last name (eg. "Jones!", "Williams!").
- You know the separate functions of the big button and the small button to flush the toilet.
- When "wir sind immer fϋr Sie da: Mo-Mi 0800-2000" ("We are always here for you - Mon. to Wed. 8 am - 8 pm) no longer makes you laugh....
- You know that not looking someone in the eye when toasting will give you seven years bad sex.
-You have gotten extremely frustrated by the fact that the Z and the Y are switched on German keyboards.
-You ask people how they are with grunts like 'Und?' or 'Na?'.
-Your salad dressing has come with some salad.
- You have paid to use a public restroom.
- You've completely forgotten a word in English, yet you know what it is in German.
-You know that German efficiency is, in fact, a myth.
- You've starved on a Sunday (or every Sunday) because you forgot to get bread / milk / juice / anything at all to eat on Saturday.
-You get to the end of a sentence, and forget which verb / how many verbs you have to put there.
- You don’t understand why you can’t drink beer in the cinema back home.
- Anything with englische Untertiteln excites you.
- You’ve carried your groceries home in a cloth sack.
- Your friends (your brother!) ask you to translate Rammstein songs.
- You wished you drank beer because it's cheaper than everything else on the menu - including water and coke!
- You call your cell phone a "handy".
- Bread, cheese and cold cuts constitute dinner.
- You can name more German politicians than German actors / actresses.
- You heat each room in your house separately.
- You don't drive anywhere that you can take a bus / tram / train to.
- Your ones look like sevens and your sevens are a molestation of a 7 and a T.
- You've watched "Pimp My Ride" on German MTV and consequently learned the term "aufmotzen" and other words you never learned in German class.


Steve said...

Ha, I can even agree with about half of those.

My best German has come from watching the German subtitles on MTV. Case in point; 'Ich habe mein Auto gepimmt!', 'Das ist total Tittel!', and all the slang for 'bitch','slut', and 'boobs'.

El Capitán Alatriste said...

I liked it so much.
Everything is so true =D

Anonymous said...

Well, a German trying to pronounce squirrel might be funny, but it's definitely not as good as an American trying to pronounce "Eichhörnchen" ;)

Anonymous said...

I have read these sortof comparisions but these lines made it unique - Anything with englische Untertiteln excites you. :))

- You’ve carried your groceries home in a cloth sack. -- Yes, In India only in villages or poor people do this otherwise carrying in plastic is status symbol ;)