Vampire Vlad Mezrich gives mortal girls tips to attracting, dating and breaking up with the undead.
Clearly this humorous faux dating guide is aimed at the legions of Twilight fans (there are numerous references to Edward, werewolves, a vampire’s attraction to the new girl, and a vampire’s tendency to watch girls while they sleep). It is quite funny, and made me laugh a lot, though it’s probably more fun to dip into bit by bit over a longer period of time rather than reading straight through as I did.
Some things I learned:
My blood type (A-) has a full-bodied, woody flavor with notes of cinnamon, meaning I attract active, clean cut vampires who enjoy hiking (on cloudy days – or at night)
The famous phrase, I want to suck your blood, has a different meaning depending on what word your vampire crush puts his emphasis on. (Hint, best case scenario is that he emphasizes YOUR rather than BLOOD.)
Tori Amos made “The Infinite Vampire Playlist” with her song Blood Roses.
If your vampire boyfriend treated you badly, you might want to next date a slayer.
THE VAMPIRE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU is available in paperback now.